Greyhound Humor: Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride 2009/10/20
Posted by Drama Queeen in Drama Queen.Tags: drama queen greyhound, greyhound humor, greyhounds, tucson greyhound
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Pretty Lily is happy to be home
Mama Karyn wanted to do something nice for me, but it backfired.
Here’s the story.
A few weeks ago, Sandee who has purple hair and 32 heart tattoos on her arms and is a long time friend came to visit. She visits twice a year. I have her trained because when she visits, she pets me for hours.
Anyway Mama Karyn had to go pick up her CSA west of the UA, she had a bright idea that I could go for a ride. She said, “Let’s take Lily for a ride. The only time she goes anywhere is to the vet. I want to give her a positive experience.”
So it was a Friday around 4:15 p.m. and we all piled into the car. I have a hard time getting in the car so that is why another person is necessary to sit in the back seat with me.
We get to our destination and Mama K. jumps out of the car leaving me with Sandee. I don’t like being left and I was very nervous especially since I couldn’t see Karyn. About 5 minutes later she comes back and I gave a good sigh of relief.
I forgot to tell you that this was a hot day like 95. Mama takes the route on busy 4th Avenue and the traffic is backed up. She says some bad words. After about four signals we turn left onto 6th Street and smoke starts pouring out from under the car hood.
Mama says, “WHAT THE F***!”
So she panics and turns down the first street she sees which is a one way street going the wrong way and parks the car. The hood of the car looks like a chimney. Some dude in a truck drives up and says the cops are out in full force and we’re going to be towed away.
Karyn freaks! She writes some note and puts in on the dashboard and we jump out of the car. She is acting like a mad woman and both Sandee and I are running to keep up. I have no idea where we’re going. The ground is hot and there are dogs and people everywhere.
Finally we go in a store and it’s cool inside. I am greeted by Lizzie and Leah at Silver Sea Jewelry Store. I am almost relieved but then I heard, “I’ll be back.” And she leaves the store. I already told you that I don’t like to be left. WHERE’S MY MAMA KARYN?
While she was gone, Sandee, Lizzie, and Leah tried to soothe me but I was too nervous. I ran laps around the store and behind the counters. Then Leah left. After what seemed like eternity, Karyn came back and said we have to go. I was so relieved that I finally drank some water.
We found Leah and I was supposed to jump in her car. I cannot jump in Mama’s car but I was nervous and tried. I missed and cried out. Karyn helped me. Whatever! I could stay in the back seat with my head on Karyn’s lap.
Leah drove us home. They all sat down and I got fed. I was so relieved to be home. Then they abruptly left. That’s okay I was glad to be home.
No place like home.
Love ya, Lily, aka Drama Queen
(photo by Loren Dawn)
Greyhound Humor: Tucson Drama Queen 2009/09/13
Posted by Drama Queeen in Drama Queen.Tags: Drama Queen, greyhound humor, greyhounds, Tucson greyhounds
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Lily, the reluctant goofy greyhound
BFF
Fans, it’s been awhile. Mama Karyn doesn’t let me near the computer. Now she’s on FaceBook and wastes more time than usual. Is that possible?
Last week I counter surfed and scored a delicious treat – span-a-ko-pita, but more about that later.
It’s been a long hot summer. Did I say hot, hot, hot? I had to wear my Storm Defender cape a lot because it lightened and thundered but that did not always bring rain.
Mama Karyn is nuts. I always thought so but now it’s confirmed.
One night when it was raining really hard, mama Karyn went outside on the patio wearing only a t-shirt and panties and danced around…by herself.
She wanted me to come too but no way. She was laughing and yelling, “RAIN BABY RAIN.” What will the neighbors think? She came back in the house soaking wet, wrapped herself in a towel, and drank a beer. I just looked on in disgust. Is that any way for an aging baby boomer to act? Where’s the AARP police when you need them?
But back to moi – Once a month, I go to see Dr. Janet at Sunrise Pet Clinic for my acupuncture and cold laser therapy treatment. I am happy to report that my beautiful back legs have not splayed for two months.
In July, mama Karyn went on a vacation…without me. Marilyn my dog sitter stays with me when mama Karyn leaves. Marilyn is truly my love slave. She massages me twice a day and continually grooms me and adores me unlike Karyn who mostly just ignores me. We sit outside a lot because Marilyn smokes like a chimney.
One day Marilyn came over and I panicked. I thought mama Karyn was leaving but I didn’t see her packing. I thought she was trying to trick me but Marilyn just visited. Phew!
Lots of stuff has been happening to the house. Karyn’s messy office is now in another room – it’s still messy. She told me I might not like the changes but we’ll have to wait and see. Lots of strangers have been here to fix or alter this or that.
Now back to counter surfing which is a hobby of mine. Last week, one of Karyn’s many friends – Ditte Lokon — came over and brought homemade span-a-ko-pita. Can you believe they sat there in front of me and ate them? Even though I SAT there politely and watched, nobody offered me a taste? How rude!
Then they rushed out. When Karyn rushes, she forgets stuff. She left a span-a-ko-pita in a Ziploc bag on the counter. I couldn’t open the bag so I chewed through it. Yum………..it was layers of buttery goodness.
The next day Karyn wanted to eat it for breakfast and she looked all over the refrigerator. She found remnants of the plastic bag on my dog bed and just shook her head. She’s not the only gourmand in the family.
Ta Ta for now
Love you, mean it
Lily, the Drama Queen
Greyhound Humor: Drama Queen Ups and Downs 2009/06/27
Posted by greyhoundsrule in Drama Queen.Tags: greyhound, greyhound humor. drama queen, greyhounds
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Drama Queen loves to accessorize
Aye yii yii
What a few weeks I’ve had.
First, I was a bad girl. I ate the tongue of mama Karyn’s shoes. They were the stinky shoes. I chewed and chewed the tongue. Why? I don’t know. Maybe because they smelled like a stinky mama Karyn.
Then I threw up yellow bile off and on for several days. Mama Karyn kept finding pieces of the chewed up shoe tongue and threw them in the waste basket and I went into the wastebacket and chewed more.
I drove Mama Karyn nuts!
Then I had some leg problems. I am suffering from spinal stenosis. My back legs shake and splay.
One day I was in my favorite spot in the cubby between Karyn’s bathroom and her office. I couldn’t get up. My leg slid under the closet door and I was stuck. I cried out and Karyn came running. She had to climb into the cubby (she was saying too many bad words) and lift me up. She tried to put a towel underneath me and as she lifted me up, I was screaming. When I finally got up I was fine.
Now she blocked off the cubby so I cannot lie there.
The next day I couldn’t get off the cool bedroom floor. Again my back legs were shaking. She helped me up again. My back legs splayed.
By then she was a nervous wreck.
She took me for my monthly acupuncture and cold laser therapy treatment and I feel fine now.
I have searched all over for more shoe tongues but found none.
One day I was sitting on my dog bed in the bedroom and I found Karyn’s pretty beaded sandals. If she didn’t leave her shoes in the middle of the room and instead put them in closet like a neatnik, these things wouldn’t happen. Anyway, I was holding her shoes between my paws marveling at how pretty they were and wondering if the beads tasted good when I was BUSTED.
She came into the bedroom and found me. She said, “OH MY DOG. What are you doing? You are a bad, bad, bad girl!”
Then she grabbed the sandal away from me and put them away.
I just gave her a dumb look.
Love ya, mean it
Drama Queen Greyhound Chews a Shoe 2009/06/14
Posted by Drama Queeen in Drama Queen.Tags: greyhound, greyhound drama queen, greyhound humor, greyhounds
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BFF
I have been naughty. Once again I chewed Mama Karyn’s shoes. These are the same shoes I chewed before (see below) like last year. This time I only chewed one shoe so she no longer has a matched set of two chewed shoes. Last year she got them repaired.
I think Mama Karyn likes her Keen shoes more than me.
Those shoes are ugly. If I could wear shoes, mine would be bright red and strappy with sequins. Karyn wears these ugly black and brown shoes and they STINK. I mean it. They stink so badly that she doesn’t put them in the bedroom and the insides are all ripped up. For whatever reason, she loves those shoes. She says they are comfortable.
And if they smell bad to her, can you imagine what they smell like to me?
Anyway, yesterday Karyn was in and out all day and then she left. After I eat my dinner, I expect to play the Find the Cookie game but she just left. That did not sit well with me. She left me a treat but I went from room to room looking for cookies and there were none.
But I found her shoe and I had my way with it. So there.
Many hours later she came back and found the shoe on my dog bed. Karyn just burst out crying. Sometimes I feel sad when I make her cry but not tonight.
She looked at the ripped up shoe and the other shoe and just shook her head. Then she shut off the lights and went to bed.
I think she forgot about it today…maybe. The whole problem would be solved if she put her shoes in the closet like a normal human being.
Ta Ta, Lily, the Drama Queen
Drama Queen Speaks: I’m a gas, gas, gas (previous shoe chewing blog post)
originally posted elsewhere-Sunday, April 20th, 2008
Yo bi-at-ches
I have been a very bad girl lately. I’m 10 1/2 and still chew lots of stuff.
This past week I was very bad. Here’s the story.
One night Mama Karyn left. She has been gone a lot lately. Mama Karyn is a SLOB. Don’t tell her I said that because she is closet slob.
She left her shoes in the middle of the living room floor. I have not chewed shoes for years but I was angry so I chewed them. They were her Keen’s. She loves her Keen’s. They are old and smelly but she wears them every day and brags that they are supposed to last forever.
I guess they could last forever if I didn’t chew them.
Hours later she returned and found one shoe on my bed in her office. She started to SCREAM: “YOU CHEWED MY SHOES?” I wagged my tail. She started looking for the other shoe but got distracted.
Later she remembered and went on a shoe hunt and found the other shoe in my bed in the blue room. Again she started to SCREAM: “YOU CHEWED MY FAVORITE SHOES!”
She looked at them closely and thought maybe they were saveable. Then she started to cry. I felt bad and went up to her, nudging with my nose like I also do, and she looked con-flict-ed. She did not pet me…but later she did.
The next day there was a lost greyhound and she left again.
When she came back she was carrying some groceries and started putting them away when the phone rang. There had been a sighting of the lost dog so out she goes without a goodbye.
Then she came back and got busy and left yet again to go to the gym. When she returned, she fed me. With all this coming and going, I felt like a second-class citizen.
I heard her in the kitchen talking to herself saying, “What the hell happened to my salmon burgers?” She looked at her receipt and got charged for the salmon burgers.
Then she gave me the evil eye and marched into the blue room. I left evidence. On the bed was part of the sty-ro-foam tray.
She YELLED: “YOU ATE THE RAW SALMON BURGERS?! YOU ATE THE STY-RO-FOAM TOO?”
Of course, I had the dreaded big-D in the middle of the night and then on my walk the next day both morning and night.
Mama Karyn also tells me that I’m a stinky girl (that’s good, right?) She doesn’t sound angry when she says so. She said I have the worst gas, gas, gas.
Confidentially, the salmon burgers were yummy but they smell better when she cooks them but that sty-ro-foam didn’t taste so good; I didn’t eat too much of that.
Love you, mean it
Lily, the Drama Queen
Greyhound Humor: Drama Queen Speaks 2009/05/30
Posted by Drama Queeen in Drama Queen.Tags: greyhound, greyhound drama queen, greyhound humor
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Sneaking Off with 5 Pounds of Treats
originally posted Wednesday, January 2nd, 2008
Yo, BFFs
Today mama Karyn was rushing around like she always does and she ran out of the house. Bye Bye!
The first thing I do when she leaves is see if she left any food on the counter. One time she left a ro-tis-ser-ie chicken. I ate most of it, bones and all.
Another time she left the but-ta dish. I knocked the but-ta dish to the ground and ate the but-ta. It was smooth. One time she left some smelly blue cheese on the counter. I took it and at that time Painter was still here and he ate the wrapping. We shared.
I checked the counter but, no–there was nothing there.
But aha, silly me, she left the pantry door open. That is what I like to call a buffet.
I saw this big bag of treats and it called my name. When I eat treats, I like to take them to my dog bed in mama’s bedroom. So I huffed and puffed and huffed and puffed and carried the FIVE POUND BAG into the bedroom.
Rats! I could not open the bag. I couldn’t believe it.
She takes dental treats out of the bag so how come I couldn’t open the bag?
Then she came back. At first she didn’t notice but then she did and she LAUGHED really hard. I personally didn’t think it was that funny.
She gave me a dental treat. It was not exactly a happy ending.
—————————
Pins and Needles
(originally posted Wednesday, December 26th, 2007)
Yo, BFFs
My beautiful hind legs started to shake badly and mama Karyn was worried. She took me to see Dr. Forrer at Sunrise Pet Clinic. The first day they examined me. I screamed out when they touched something on my back.
The next time Dr. Janet stuck needles into me. It didn’t hurt and I was a brave girl except the last needle HURT SO BAD that I screamed aloud. OWIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
A few days passed and back we go for more. Dr. Janet is real nice and she has great treats but I’m still nervous. Mama Karyn told her that my back legs stopped shaking and that I was running around and digging up holes in the yard like my old self.
This time the needles go in and I did fine. She even put a needle in the re-nal me-ri-di-an which was a big OWIEEE last time and did not bother me this time. I laid down on the blankie and just relaxed, sort of. No biggie.
The vet tech and Dr. Janet and Karyn told me what a beautiful, brave girl I am.
I already knew that.
Love you. Mean it. Lily a.k.a. Drama Queen
Welcome Greyhound Drama Queen 2009/05/19
Posted by Drama Queeen in Drama Queen.Tags: greyhound, greyhound humor, greyhounds
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Yo Bi-at-ches,
I am the Drama Queen.
But you may call me The Lily.
I will be pon-ti-fi-ca-ting from time to time. No, that’s not a bad word. I know all the bad words.
I hope you get to know me better. To know me is to love me. But don’t expect that in return.
Until next time…
The Lily, a.k.a. The Drama Queen
(This post was originally posted on Thursday, December 20, 2007, on another blog that disappeared-tsk, tsk; it will be resurrected here.)
